eshda3wa

April 10, 2009

Powerful Woman


*Conversation between a couple of my colleagues*

X (one of the nicest most respectable guys i ever met) whats to get married.

x: I don't want a girl who studied abroad.

L: Why not ?

x: I'm not saying theres anything wrong with girls who study abroad, its just that girls who lived away from their families and on their own had a lot of responsibilities on their shoulders. They become very independent and controlling.
I'm old fashioned. I like being the man of the house.
When i get married i want a woman i can lead, not be lead by her.

L: What do you think eshda3wa?

*contemplates giving x the finger.*

Eshda3wa: Good luck with that :)

So now I'm wondering .. is this kind of thinking common?
Or is he just insecure?
posted by eshda3wa at 12:00 AM

56 Comments:

I would say insecure. Because it is not true, marriage is not about leading or controlling its about team work and building their life.

April 10, 2009 at 12:05 AM  

Most of the men love to take the lead and control over their families. I think it's better if both put effort into the relationship. Not just one of them taking control. But both of them taking control. Y3ni she is on my side and that we are in a partnership, we BOTH will listen to each other needs and wants. And I'm sure she wants to know that her man is confident also. And it's really good to have someone very independent and used to study aboard. It makes live easier !

April 10, 2009 at 12:35 AM  

yes, alot of men think like that.

April 10, 2009 at 12:46 AM  

common and insecure.

April 10, 2009 at 12:46 AM  

Just 7achi Eshda3wa.

He'll meet an "independent" girl and despite himself will fall in love with her and marry her and all his 7achi will run out of the window.

Men are usually seekers/hunters- what strikes as a challenge will become something they want. It keeps them entertained.

There are men like stupid X here. Either he's a control freak himself o Allah y3een ili bya5ith'ha or he'll marry his traditional quiet woman, get bored of her and join the rest of the male herd and cheat behind her back once he's bored of her.

They're all the same.

April 10, 2009 at 1:12 AM  

i am sorry to say but it is very common :(
walla he has issues if he things this way :(
well who wants him any way :P
we like openminded people :)

April 10, 2009 at 1:24 AM  

lets be realistic ;p
mako shay esma raya el bait nowadays
el mara ehi eli shayla el bait 3la ras.ha, o etha el om 5wara, el 5adama ehi eli tamsek el bait, nader halayam nshoof rayal mjabel murta o 3yala

MEN, get used to it
etha ento tanabel o 7aremkm 9araw tanabel nafskm. el denya ma tamshi

yah !

April 10, 2009 at 1:26 AM  

This kind of thinking is common, cause many men out there are insecure.

P.S I am no woman btw, just a secure man;P!

April 10, 2009 at 1:51 AM  

He is very insecure!!! I lived abroad, but I like to depend on my husband. But marriage isn't about who controls who, it is about loving, respecting and trusting one another. X is demented ;p

April 10, 2009 at 1:53 AM  

"So now I'm wondering .. is this kind of thinking common?
Or is he just insecure?"
لو الريال يبي يكون اهو المتحكم ليش نفرض انه
insecure ?????
ترى "ريال البيت" مو معناته انه المرأة راح تنظلم و راح تصير نفس الخدامة
انا اعتقد انه المرأةلازم تطيع زوجها و انه بنفس الوقت زوجها يعاملها باحترام و يعطيها حريته بس بحدود طبعا
السالفة مو سالفة تحكم و سيطرة
ليش كلمة "ريال البيت" نعتبرها تخلف او مشكلة بشخصية الريال ؟؟؟
يعني ما في حريم يبون يسيطرون ؟
هل معناه انهم
insecure
???
مو شرط

April 10, 2009 at 3:16 AM  

It's both. They wanna feel like 'men' by controlling a woman.

But if they were real men, they wouldn't even think that way or be threatened by a woman.

Only a true sissy/mamma's boy would say that. And yes it is very common. You do the math.

April 10, 2009 at 7:26 AM  

Honestly...I don't see anything wrong with guys wanting to lead a women. It's a normal thing. You see it all over the animal kingdom. Course that doesn't mean that women need to be lead.

Do what you girls have been doing for the past millennia or so: Make us feel like we're leading.

April 10, 2009 at 8:36 AM  

he is pretty much lying, making it looking nice.

April 10, 2009 at 8:44 AM  

What I would've loved to say back is: "a9lan someone who was out on her own, independent and confident, wouldn't want you either.. so i'm sure it's a mutual desire. so stop worrying".

really.

April 10, 2009 at 8:49 AM  

Thats very common here in Dubai :s Even if you go to a co-ed university you're kinda cancelled out! but if you work in a mixed place thats fine.. weird

Real men are raaaaaaaaare :)

April 10, 2009 at 9:33 AM  

Insecure. FULL STOP



this kinda thinking is really common here in q8, but it is still insecurity!! man you wouldn't believe shkither hal mara'6 mintishir here in kuwait! EVERYBODY is so insecure ou soo freakin self-centered! I want the most "powerful woman" here in kuwait, I really do! coz she'll be taking the responsibility malat il bait when i'm not there! she'll take care of my children! I a;ways think of it like this, what if I died ou I have 4 kids! akbarhum in grade 9! ou a9gharhum is still an infant! mino abe yikon ma3ahum a strong wife wela wa7da th3eefa? I think that I have a strong personality I could lead and control any type of girls! they're pretty easy to handle! I don't really get why hne bil q8 the most spread marath ijtema3y is insecurity!! everybody is insecure about his family name, a9la, wealth, importance and the "VIP freak show" in q8! it kills me!

April 10, 2009 at 10:45 AM  

I believe it is a common thinking amongst Kuwaiti men!

April 10, 2009 at 11:07 AM  

G
i agree

Ahmed
i dont think a relationship is about control at all!

zaina
sad

hamede
too bad

Miss-informed
ya3ni either way its screwed up

C&C
ee wallah!

Gee
so true!!

April 10, 2009 at 11:16 AM  

Hasan.B
lol
laa zain u told me :P

Web weaver
that he is!

a7mad nabeel
define "rayal elbait"
eshbisawe ya3ni?
yshteri aghrath eljam3iya oo yroo7 dowaniya
oo murta etdg 3alaih etgoolah baroo7 3nd ahli whwa ygool ro7ay.
lana hes such an open minded guy, he lets her go see her family.

A true MAN does not feel the need to show hes the ALPHA male. A true man Does the actual heavy lifting, not just pretend to by issuing rules and regulations.

Miya
el7mdela welshikir..
what happened to them over the years?

BlackB
like the lions?
where the alpha male lies around doing nothing
and the females go hunting and bring in the food.
yeah in that sense were exactly like the animal kingdom

Neo
you think?

Anon
damn i should have thought of that.

Maitha
its really weird

Checkmate
ur thinking is pretty depressing!
why r u killing yourself and leaving behind orphans!
i had tears in my eyes!!

Big pearl
OH MY GOD
BIG PEARLS!!
INTAY WAINICH
WHERE HAVE U BEEEN!
WE MISSED YOU!

April 10, 2009 at 11:40 AM  

laa, la takh'thena cthe.. 3la qolta he is just old fashioned!

bs elii ma 3ajabni hatha:
"When i get married i want a woman i can lead, not be lead by her."

laish wa7ed fehom leader oo al thani lazem follower? Can't they be both leaders oo leads their family together!

oo it's common btw. even if they don't show it sometimes!

April 10, 2009 at 11:50 AM  

wallah I missed you too..I've been through a really bad time..anyways I am back to commenting now so I'll be around:)

April 10, 2009 at 11:50 AM  

Simply insecure and egoistic =P

April 10, 2009 at 1:00 PM  

lol i agree with hamede.... It's common and it shows you how insecure alot of ppl in our society are.
This stems from the same mentality that a man shouldnt marry a woman with a 'better/higher' degree than himself... "weeeee fashla" :P
Just like you eshde3wa... i contemplate flipping them the bird :P

April 10, 2009 at 1:01 PM  

nope, I don't think, I know so.

and btw the correct term is 'independent woman'

I'll never marry a girl who travel 'alone' to foreign country for study or any other reason.

but I don't mind marrying an independent woman.

I mean, she can bring the children from school, she can go shopping for grocery, and most of all I don't really need to lift a finger since she is very helpful :b

April 10, 2009 at 1:21 PM  

7achi fathyy

April 10, 2009 at 1:46 PM  

Sadly its somewhat a common theme among men in Kuwait, but you can't blame him either. Its just a matter of preference and he isn't wrong. From a man's perspective I can understand where he is coming from but he doesn't know the other side of this thought.

My through process is simple, I would want a strong & independent woman, meaning that I want a partner for wife, somebody to depend and someone who also understands the little sensitive parts of Kuwaiti culture.

It is a difficult balance to strike and to each their own. :)

April 10, 2009 at 1:47 PM  

how the Hell do i know im not a man when i be one ask me then!!
OMG i saw BIG PEARLSSS!!!


i miss you damnt!!!

April 10, 2009 at 2:32 PM  

I don't want a girl who studied abroad

ألحمدلله والشكر ع التخلف
ماراح نتطور ولو كنا في القرن الألف لأسف

April 10, 2009 at 2:53 PM  

law kan 3indah theqa ib nafsa o rejolta o shakhseta , ma kan ra7 eykoon chithe tafkeera

April 10, 2009 at 3:21 PM  

Wai3, ish hal tafkeer. Shino ya3ni he wants a woman to lead!

April 10, 2009 at 3:46 PM  

BOTH !

April 10, 2009 at 3:50 PM  

babe, the guy has issues!

There is nothing wrong with women being independant! It's an advantage!This would make her a great support and responsibility taker!

April 10, 2009 at 4:08 PM  

common ;p

April 10, 2009 at 7:24 PM  

oooooh it is very common
and it has many degrees and layers

some think that they need a woman to control to get them to feel needed and wanted

other would not really say it, but they want a girl they will "raise" meaning they will teach her about life already, meaning they want to make sure she is a cat with closed eyes where there would be not one thread of naughtiness or incident of her talking/meeting/thinking/dreaming/talking/boyfriending a guy before them...

i guess it is a bit insecure... but then again there are many girls who want a man they can respect and they will not respect him unless he was see il sayed...

o kil saqe6 o lah laqe6... allah wyah o allah yehaneeh... b3d yabi kil shay y6ee7 3la qalbah kaifah moshkiltah...

April 10, 2009 at 7:29 PM  

I might not be your typical alpha male. Personally I don't care. I think it's the type of person you can live with rather than where they studied, her bra size, how long she;s been single for, if they want to continue studying or anything else.

Logically for a marriage to work the two people involved HAVE TO be able to live together and accommodate each other.

but that's just me .....

April 10, 2009 at 7:36 PM  

insecure!!
a3aref cham wa7ed chthe.. yabon kharoofah not a wife!
el 7ayat mosharakah... it does not have to be one leading or controling the other!

April 10, 2009 at 10:15 PM  

Dude must be short with curly hair like Webster.

April 10, 2009 at 11:00 PM  

insecure!!! g6aaa3 shda3waa leading parts from now!!!

April 10, 2009 at 11:12 PM  

goleela 7alaat elmara etriz rayelha..
think about it

April 10, 2009 at 11:21 PM  

most men can't handle a strong woman! sissy's!!

April 10, 2009 at 11:28 PM  

He is insecure and lame, but to each his own, right. To echo others, marriage is about working together to make a life. Personally, both my husband and I studied abroad,lived alone, etc. He never wanted super traditional or super independent for a wife, but rather someone moderate, when it comes to everything. Normal, lol. But he did want someone who would respect that he is the man of the house, because he in turn would respect the woman of the house. No matter how far along we are, there are still some gender roles that we are have in our society both religiously and culturally. but it is about respect, understanding, and compromise.
good that he doesn't want an educated abroad woman.. he wouldn't know how to respect her accomplishments and she can find someone compatible with her :)

April 10, 2009 at 11:45 PM  

lool ooo mno igool ili darsa bara tabee! :P 3amaaaa hahaha, bs ya...
i think most typical, traditional guys are like that, ya3ni they'd rather settle down with the quiet, easily pleased, mo shayfa il dinya type, oo to them the girl ili darsa bara doesnt fit the category, bs 6af, ya3ni he knows what he wants, oo he chooses to be with a girl like that, its not a matter of insecurities i think, more of a personality thing...bs akoo other guys who would be like, la ana abii wa7da independent, oo opinionated etc...

April 11, 2009 at 12:18 AM  

Its common.. but hey its insecurity ;).. Know how common insecurity is?

April 11, 2009 at 12:32 AM  

It's pretty common and it's insecure-both ways. Honestly it odesn't surprise me one bit

April 11, 2009 at 4:06 AM  

It's common insecurity. It's also pathetic.

April 11, 2009 at 11:02 AM  

Hmm, well first of all, I don't think being independent and confident has anything to do with studying abroad BUT yes all men or most don't like a confident woman..

April 11, 2009 at 11:17 AM  

common !

April 11, 2009 at 11:36 AM  

yep, thats a common way of thinking over here

April 11, 2009 at 1:30 PM  

unfortunatily VERY common...
doesnt matter where the guy studied or what he has,, when it comes to choosing a life partner they always want her lower then him and not the one who studied outside!

April 11, 2009 at 2:49 PM  

he's very insecure!
the reason is quite funny!

April 11, 2009 at 4:34 PM  

Insecure indeed.
I came to comment on the blood donation post, seems like you deleted it :S

April 11, 2009 at 6:44 PM  

believe it or not its very common. my own brother thinks like that and we all studied abroad for years.

i don't know if its about insecurity thou. there may be more to the equation that her being 'independent'. i thought that was a good thing! he makes it sound like its a con and not a pro characteristic.

April 12, 2009 at 5:38 AM  

http://sunsetqtr.blogspot.com/

April 12, 2009 at 10:26 PM  

well, its a matter of cultural background I guess.

some of the guys I know won't even take a working girl because she is too independent for them..

I say giving him the finger is much better than trying to make him change his mind...if you do that, you'll just find yourself deemed liberal or one of those lost kids seduced by western culture or whatever, I've been there before...and the sad thing is, he will actually find people to back him up

April 17, 2009 at 8:36 PM  

insecure thats how he is , he should be proud that women can handle her self so she can take care of her kids and him too if anything happened . hate those kinds of guys marriage isn't a war who leads or not ?

April 18, 2009 at 9:43 PM  

You can't have a company with two CEOs. That doesn't mean there is no discussions or opinions taken into consideration, but in the end, the puck has to stop at someone to make final decisions.

So, a wife who 'studied abroad' is not a problem as long as she understands her roles and responsibilities and does not overstep them. If, on the other hand, she comes into the marriage expecting to lead it like its own company, that's another story and a recipe for a disaster either for the marriage or for the kids who will have a skewed image of the dynamics in marriage relationship.

April 22, 2009 at 8:27 PM  

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