eshda3wa

October 7, 2007

When She Didn't Scream Rape [Part II]


I inched closer to her too afraid to give her a hug. She might take it as pity, and she never reacts well to that. My heart was aching, my imagination was running faster than her words. I looked at her staring straight ahead tears glistening in her eyes. Her lips quivering and her breathing uneven. My God shes still 14, shes still in that car, up on that roof, hes still here, in her life, and i doubt hes ever going away.

What happened on that roof?


I spent hours preparing, I spread a blanket, and had 4 different kinds of food prepared. I even got flowers. Man I feel like such a loser!

your not!

Shut up. He came over, I remember every single detail, what he was wearing, what I was wearing, how his hair looked, even the way he smelled. We sat down and ate. When I say we I mean him, I couldn't eat a thing! Then we just sat there for a while hugging, and I was wishing upon every star that this be the rest of my life ! I thought my roof idea was fantastic, he didn't ask me to do anything disgusting and its been over an hour! Did i mention we never kissed?

What?!

Weird ha

well ya considering you were on third base!

Anyways, he did kiss me that day, a little peck right on the lips. The rest of what happened is a little fuzzy. He pushed me down on my stomach, I remember giggling and asked him what he was doing. All he said was don't scream. He then lifted my skirt. I started squirming, I tried pulling my skirt down, and saying no no no, like that actually made a difference! To shut me up he gathered the blanket and pushed my face in it. I was helpless, no amount of kicking or trying to turn over or whatever the hell I tried to do helped. He was too strong.

That's when a huge sob escaped from her, and I realized it was the first time I have ever seen my friend cry.

sweet heart you don't have to continue if you don't want to

No its OK, I want to tell you this.

He thrust himself into me, I felt him penetrating me, and it was nothing but shear pain! I swear i felt him rip though me, actually tearing me apart!
There I was face smothered in a blanket, pinned down by a man twice my size . I couldn't breath, the blanket was wet from my tears, saliva, and sweat. And he just kept going again and again and again, making disgusting noises.

You know the noises we hear in movies when watching a love scene?
ya?
It was nothing like that!

I couldn't breath, and I passed out. I don't know for how long, but when I woke, he was gone. I sat up and started puking, right were my head was. Man I must have heaved like theres no tomorrow, I swear I thought my stomach was going to come out of my mouth! After that, I cleaned up frantically like my life depended on it and went down stairs. I spoke to no one about anything, and I just went to sleep. The next couple of weeks were hell for me, I had this burning sensation every time I used the toilet, I couldn't eat, I had this fever that wouldn't go away. And every time either of my parents mentioned taking me to the doctor i would go ballistic! I thought the doctor would take one look at my face and would know what I did.

But you didn't do anything!

Back then I thought I did, it was all my fault and I blamed no one but myself. I kept thinking that I might be pregnant, and that scared the living daylight out of me.

But he didn't ....

No he didn't, but we didn't exactly have sex ed in school, I knew only what the kids told me. I started wetting my bed. I think I wet it three or four times, and I contemplated suicide on so many occasions I lost count. It was my fault, all of it, and there was no one to tell me otherwise. I tried telling Sherefa at one point, but of course I used the I know someone who knows someone story line.

who's Sherifa?

She was my best friends older sister.

What did she say?


She said that girl must be a whore, no one "san3" with the proper upbringing would let such a thing happen to them, and I'm too young to be talking about things like that anyway.
So I never talked about it ever again.

ok now this post is getting too long, ill post our conversation about the aftermath later.
posted by eshda3wa at 1:50 AM

36 Comments:

OOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGG! :|
but how could a 14 year old kid sneak to the roof without her parents noticing? and with him doing all that disgusting stuff, didnt any1 hear any of noises? :S


miskeeena. allah e3eenha. a7es she's lived with that guilt for so long.

October 7, 2007 at 2:10 AM  

6ERBAAAKH 6ERBAAKH 6ERBAAAKH !!

October 7, 2007 at 2:27 AM  

omg.... fqayra !

w hal tibiiinnnn ma lega ela wa7da nitfa i7oos feeha?

October 7, 2007 at 2:37 AM  

my heart aches girl - am really honestly sad.. my heart hurts :(

October 7, 2007 at 3:51 AM  

A 14 years old being able to trick her parents this way is no poor girl; sorry but I feel no pity for her, I do pity her parents though for having such a daughter!

Being able to sneak out of her friend's house to meet him, being able to do such acts and bringing him in her own parents house; I do not blame Sherfa on her opinion!!

October 7, 2007 at 4:26 AM  

This is horrible! Is this a true story? Did this happen to you?
I couldn't continue the rest.... it is just too much.

October 7, 2007 at 5:07 AM  

Missy
i dont know how she did it, and shes still living with the pain of that night

um-mit3ib
basich et6arbekheen ez3aaj!
oo hal tibin met3amid he finds someone weak to take advantage of!

Chika
its a rotten place to be in!
allah la yable a7ad

True faith
thank you for saying that, you just gave a perfect example of why she didnt say anything. Because people would be too busy Judging her to actually solve the problem or deal with the fact that she was raped. If i had added she was not a muslim, and not an arab, her upbringing did not teach her its wrong to have a bf, would it have made a differance then?
YES she made very stupid choices, but the bottom line is a 27 year old man took advantage of a 14 year old girl and went on to rape TWO others. IF sherifa had listened, that could have been avoided. she wasnt looking for pity, she was looking for protection, from herself more than anyone else.

Dotsson
yes it is a true story
and No it did not happen to me, it happened to a very good friend of mine. heart wrenching!

October 7, 2007 at 5:41 AM  

ba3d 3omri wallah :(

ow inshallah jahanam al7amrah t7regah 7ARG hal kalb

October 7, 2007 at 6:32 AM  

Pedophile. Someone like that shouldn't be left on the loose.

October 7, 2007 at 6:56 AM  

La 7awla wala qowa ela belah.

October 7, 2007 at 9:59 AM  

poor girl , alaah y3eeenha , how old is she now ??

just tell her don`t worry alaah ra7 yakheth 7aghaa mneah

7abeebte

October 7, 2007 at 10:10 AM  

These kinds of stories make you freak out about having your own kids. Just how much do you need to watch them and try to protect them? Everything is available now on the internet and a girl can fall for a dangerous man without ever having to leave her bedroom. Thank God now there's a lot more focus on pedophiles and I think people are more comfortable talking about it now and they're more familiar with it than they were in the past. Alla ykoon fee 3on refeejtich...

October 7, 2007 at 10:39 AM  

OMG!!!! How could that devil do that :/ *sobs*

Finish it up girl....

October 7, 2007 at 11:07 AM  

I didn't say that there is no mistake from his side, and I didn't say that it was not a rape; still it is her who led him to it, being the easy catch. and as being 14 I could remember at that age we did have enough mentality to recognizes what is what!

I still don't feel any sympathy!

October 7, 2007 at 11:10 AM  

That is really sad, that is the problem in Kuwait. There is no education, they feel that if you educate they will want to do it, but if it happens they wouldn't know what to do.

In the states that guy would go straight to jail for at least 2 years for sex with a minor, and it was rape as well he would be incarsirated for at least 4 years in a maximum security prison. I'm just picturing what they would do to him.

October 7, 2007 at 11:23 AM  

Story like that actually holds more truth than most people think. Sad really...

October 7, 2007 at 12:07 PM  

The Sad part is I know a lot of Kuwaiti girls including myself that can relate to this problem. In my case, it did not go as far as rape but I had to do things that I never thought i'd do, beyond my boundries. It starts with a cruise in the car then kisses then anything beyond that, at that age, and with our mentality and upbringing is just unacceptable, yet, we still end up taking that road and it brings up down forever.

Why girls fall into this trap?

Low self-esteem. Not getting attention from boys their own age, feeling unattractive, feeling inferior to men because of the environment around us.


What is the consequence?

Jumping from one man to another in the hopes of fixing the problem made by the one that hurt us, even lower self-esteem so you sell yourself short and it's down hill from there, you lose respect for yourself.


How to fix it?

Facing the truth, learning to love yourself, and take it SLOWER with men, a man who can't work with your time and boundries is not worth sticking around for.

October 7, 2007 at 1:53 PM  

Sadly this happens alot :(

October 7, 2007 at 2:03 PM  

Is that a truue story?

October 7, 2007 at 2:14 PM  

OMG maskeena :s allah ikoon ib 3onha. I don't think we should blame a 14 year old for what happened to her. When a girl is at that age she yearns for attention, and he RAPED her its not like she said "Okay lets do it!"

October 7, 2007 at 3:19 PM  

Al 7a8eer illy ma ysta7y, sick B*****d al a**hole. Ok shakly fa6art :S
Bs wallah he pissed me off.
You know we cant blame her, she was too young to think properly. Miskeenah allah y3eenha. I bet it is so hard to live with such a bad memory.
Ugh al 7mar illy many 8aylah (no need a5arib 9yamy zyadah).
7asby allah w ni3ma alwakeel.

October 7, 2007 at 3:38 PM  

المشكله تكمن في ان البنت مرات يكون عندها فانتاسي روعه لي لليله مثل الي في الافلام

احط بيتزا و ناتوز و نشوف موفي و يلمني و المه و يبوسني في النهايه

بعدين اقوله يالله شاطر روح بيتكم !!

هذا الحجي ما يمشي ويا كويتي و مظبط رووووووووحه يوووووومين حق نومه

على فكره تدرين المقاومه الي اهي كانت فيها شي طبيعي

عندج خبر
ان الجيل الي فات
كل زواجاتهم كانت جذي

يعني يغتصبون من ازواجهم
و ان في وايد بنات تموت اول ليله من عمرهم جذي


تدرين شنو المشكله الحين
ان هذي البنت في البدايه بتعقد
بس بعدين ابدا ماراح يكون عندها رهبه للفراش

و الادهى و الامر
اذا تزوجت باجر

ابدا ماراح تقاوم زوجها اذا لمس اي مكان او اذا سوا اي شي

ليش؟؟

حتى لو مثلت ببين

للاسسسسسسسف

لما نرسم احلام غربيه
للريااااااااااايل حيوانات

و لما ياخذنا الخيال
ويعطينا الواقع طراق



Back then I thought I did, it was all my fault and I blamed no one but myself. I kept thinking that I might be pregnant, and that scared the living daylight out of me.


من يزرع غلط
يجني غلط



سامحيني اشدعوه
ادري ان الريال حقير

بس البنت كلش مو كاسره خاطري
و لا اقدر اتعاطف وياها

October 7, 2007 at 3:43 PM  

i cant beleive it laman ppl say inna ma takser il 5a6er :S the girl was 14!! she was happy min the attention she was getting!! maskeeena.. dam this is an old story.. esh9ar 3alaiha el7een?

+ medaresna nor our parents teach us that stuff 3alabona they don't want to "efat7oon 3aina 3al ashya2 chitthy" baas il dinya it5are3 now.. i beleive that parents 3al6ool efahmoon e3yalhum hal sowalef!

October 7, 2007 at 7:07 PM  

OOHhH MMMYYYYYYY GOD
:/

October 7, 2007 at 9:34 PM  

a girl that age should never get involved with a man that age !! besides the fact that we lack true love … this is more of a humiliation than real love .. sick old man … he is so sick to do such thing .. but then again I’m sorry to say .. people take advantage of us if only we let them .. she let him in .. first when she agreed to do what he wanted her to do only to please him .. yet that made her disgusted .. she shouldn’t allow him to get near her after that .. she is just a kid … and he is a sick old man .. he fooled her .. I wish he would never get out of this .. god .. I really feel sorry for her : ( inshallah things would get better for her … oh and cant wait to hear the rest of the story ..

October 7, 2007 at 10:12 PM  

ya3ni I dunno from where to start.

What pissed me most about this story is that not only she lost her virginity. Its more of the fact that she didn't enjoy her first sexual experience.

I wish she sticked to oral only. :(

October 7, 2007 at 11:48 PM  

I have to say this is pretty disturbing, now I'm depressed. Was this in kuwait? and I don't understand just how her family never suspected something, she was spending a substantial amount of time with a guy twice her age, I mean I remember when I was 14 I don't think I had the freedom from my parents to be able to sneak away with all that and keep a relationship secret from them and my age 14 was in the US.

I think what's a bigger tragedy is her life after the incident, she never got any proper rehabilitation or learned to deal with it in the best way and it makes alot of sense that people now perceive her as acting like a slut, that's consistent behavior with someone raped at 14 and not getting the proper rehabilitation for it

October 8, 2007 at 12:39 AM  

I am really SHOCKED at ALL the ppl who say they dont sympathize with her


ham zeen ena al7okom bel nehaya le ALLAH...wala lw 3al basshar...2abadaaan ma yr7omoon

ow eli yabi ra7mat rabah tanzel 3aleh...khal yr7am eli 7awaleeh

fa agool to all the commenters who dont sympathize with her....khafooo allah fi wa7eda entaw mat3arfoon aslan sheno eli ydoor fi dakhelha.....sa7 ehyah ghle6aat...bas SHE WAS 14 ow madri 3an aldenia shay....edawer 3ala romancia mo sex

lw kanat 20 or 7ata 18 chan kan le kalam thani...like she should have been smarter....bas hathie 14..ya3ni yaheeeel...ow ma t3arf 3an aldenia...or LIFE for that matter..shay

allah y3een aljamee3 3ala denyat-hom

October 8, 2007 at 6:14 AM  

la 7awla wala qowata ela belaah. 7asbeya allah w ne3ma elwakeel 3alaih.

October 8, 2007 at 6:29 AM  

Good God. Anyone that DARE blame a 14 year old victim, to me, is as small and as cowardly and as full of shit as the pedophile himself.

October 8, 2007 at 11:17 AM  

Dear eshda3wa,

is it possible that you send me the NC17 story, I really enjoyed the story and liked the sexual details, can I have more details......?!?!


most of the female comments are funny.....!!!

they say he is a rapist but he isn't unliss they all say that all men are too, cause we will do the same, then if all men are rapists then all woman should know by now that sucking a strange man's dick, on the first, second and/or third date and onward plus inviting the man to her house for their "1" "month" anneversary(what did she leave for the 5 year couples), on the roof, blanket, flowers (for her mood, we only eat the edible ones), food, great effort on the details, all this will lead to having sex, or being "raped" in your standards......!!!

also this is not pedophilia....
pedophilia is with children, she wasn't a child....!!!

the story isn't logical, and to some point feels stupid, how the fuck did he get out of her house, if she passed out, and I am not an expert, but can you ask her if he was a horse....?!?!

cause from what you explained for us she was pinned down on the ground, butt up, logic if any in that situation would be Anal sex, why would he go all the way down, and at harder for him to reach her, she has to help too in order for him to penitrate.....!!!

will return for more details...

thanks

October 8, 2007 at 7:34 PM  

OMG i really don't know what to say :(
I don't wanna say it's her fault because she's too young and naieve to think in a rational way.

I hope things will work out for her.

As for that bastard, wain beroo7 ya3ny??? allah bewareeh eb bnatah!

October 8, 2007 at 7:40 PM  

that was truly the most emotional and heart-wrenching post i've ever read in a blog.

i am sorry your friend had to go through something like this.

the world has some terrible people out there. i pray that our children and our children's children never have to encounter them.

October 8, 2007 at 8:22 PM  

oh my god!! :(
someone should rape him!! there should be support groups for such cases in kuwait, bcoz it's almost impossible to talk about it..
F*** HIM!!!! 7aywaaaaaaan!! offffffffffffffffff!!!

October 8, 2007 at 10:46 PM  

this is the vey first time i leave a blogger a comment so here goes..i think that i agree with wat lawyer and exzombie had said!! for the mere fact that i remember when i was 14(6 years ago) i had already gotten my period and had enough logic to understand that all of what she did was wrong from the very begining esp. cruising with him right from the get go.. u'd say she was 14!! but at 14 girls are even afraid to go out with their own classmates let alone older men they dont know.. and the reasons that she was confuzed,alone, didnt have any boy attention is the same with millions of girls all around the world, let alone the arab world, and no one would do half of wat she had done..
putting myslef in the guys mindframe yes she was young (but a girl whoi lies to her parents about her whereabouts couldnt have also lied to the guy about her age? and most 14 years old dont even look their age!!, and wat was the guy supposed to feel with a girl who put all this romantic surrondings in less than a month for him?!?!)i dont sympathize with her, but i do feel sorry about wat happened to her..
and all in all i would kill my lil 12 year old sister if she had done any of this, not try to understand her.. for the mere fact that i KNOW she can tell the diffrence between right and wrong regarding men,and age nowadays is no excuse (i see 14 years old girls who are so tall and mature and dress in a way that they look 22!!)

October 13, 2007 at 5:10 AM  

Hi hon,

I don't know if your friend got the right therapy for that horrible experience or not. If she didn't then she should !

She might feel that she can handle it or that she will forget about it, but she won't. And it will creep on her when it's least expected :(

I would urge you to convince her to get proper counseling. And I would be more than happy to help if you/she wants.

Please e-mail me if you feel I can be of any help.

October 15, 2007 at 12:13 PM  

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