eshda3wa

September 7, 2008

Are YOU Worth It




I had a very interesting conversation with my friends X and Y a while ago.
She wanted to marry someone her parents didn't approve of.

And Y asked her..
is he worth it?
is the battle worth it?
is your parents anger and disapproval worth it?
is your family's scorn worth it?

i stayed quiet through out the whole thing.
Sometimes you can never give the right advice no matter what you say.

but in my opinion Y forgot to ask the most important question of all
are YOU worth it?

We spend so much of our time thinking about everything and everyone else.
Is the journey worth it?
It should be are YOU worth the journey

is he worth the battle
it should be are YOU worth the battle

i think it would be a lot easier for people to come to a satisfying decision when they put themselves in the heart of the situation.
Stop thinking about everything else but yourself.
I'm not trying to encourage ppl to be selfish here.
But you cant always be selfless.

How can you possibly live your life to its full potential when u always take yourself out of the equation?!

Do you get what I'm trying to say here?
posted by eshda3wa at 12:00 AM

38 Comments:

i've learned the hard way that NO GUY is worth dissappointing your daddy for. so no. i would never do that to my dad.

September 7, 2008 at 12:03 AM  

Am I worth it? *thinks twice* See, in my point of view; if I'm not worth it then I wouldn't be thinking if "hes" worth it or not. We naturally are all somewhat selfish, we look what fits us then decide to "fight" for it especially when its a serious subject such as marriage.

Do you get what am trying to say here? lool

September 7, 2008 at 12:29 AM  

yeah I think I got your point, it is very interesting.

September 7, 2008 at 12:31 AM  

I so get it. And you're right. We rarely put ourselves first, especially is important situations such as the one you mentioned.

It's even harder to give a friend some advice. And when in concerns them making a life-altering decision, it becomes even harder. Allah y3eenich, wallah esahil 3alaiha hal decision.

I don't mean to pry, but how does his family feel about this?

September 7, 2008 at 12:35 AM  

No

September 7, 2008 at 12:45 AM  

Well i think ina her parents knw whats good for her bacher etha 5atheta '3a9ib oo allah lagoola somethin' goes wrong her family begoloonlaha ma7ad 6agach 3ala eedich o galich e5thee or a9lan she cant go tell them bs lama ta5eth wa7id ahl'ha ra'6een 3alai etha 9ar shay ebyogfoon weyaha;P

September 7, 2008 at 12:49 AM  

Great point.
I think like that when it comes to my loved ones. Only.

September 7, 2008 at 1:14 AM  

ho mo 3an bada2 etha he's worth it or i am..
we should stop thinking individually cuz this whole thing is based on "US" the BOTH OF US! etha i was worth having him and he's worth having me then 5ala9 just forget about everything else cuz that's all that matters! having each other!!
allah ywafig your friend :) seriously ya rab her parents ywafgoo!

it's so sad to hear that, and it's really annoying that we have to get our parents approval when we know for a fact that the person that i want and is wanting me is the right and perfect companion, and they don't know that..nor they know who they are judging!!

September 7, 2008 at 1:19 AM  

Hmm...I guess it depends how you look at it. Cause really, wouldn't marrying the one you want (regardless of your parents disapproval) simply prove how much you want it yourself? So it's not exactly selfless on your part, and you are thinking about yourself instead of the other.

September 7, 2008 at 1:36 AM  

when it comes to marriage there should be no mujamalat 3ala 7saab nafs'ha... i totally agree with u

September 7, 2008 at 1:38 AM  

I do get you hun

You know sweetie, I have been discovering that all the things my parents didn't approve of were for my own benifit!!

I don't wanna be in her position but inshalla I won't be put in this situation where I marry someone agaisnt my parents well!!

I mean, what would happen to me if a quarrel happened between us!!With any couples, problems occur and the girl will eventually vent to her parents. Where would she go if something God forbids happen!!

It's a really risky situation!!

September 7, 2008 at 1:47 AM  

Not trying to be extremely cliched here but for me in a situation like this it should be are we worth it? Can they both put up with all this, there's no point if only one of them is worth the thing.

September 7, 2008 at 1:54 AM  

Exactly!
Sometimes you just have to put yourself first! It's not selfishness; it's life. We live our lives for ourselves, not for everyone else around us!

September 7, 2008 at 2:18 AM  

i guess i understand what u mean.. bs haman considering the other part that is included in the situation is important as well. this kind of situations must be looked at from all angles :)

September 7, 2008 at 2:19 AM  

It's not an issue whether "you're worth it" eshda3wa as much as it should be "why".

I think she has to understand why her parents are against it. It can be "is it worth many things", including "is it worth risking my family's relationship for?". If their reasons are silly over trivial things like how rich he is or "wild mino" then she can involve someone to help convince them (like another family member) especially if the man is good and she feels he's the right person for her.

I met two kids of people, those who opposed their families but made the right judgment in marrying happily and those who didn't.

In all occassions she should be asking more than "am I worth it" or "is he worth it".

September 7, 2008 at 2:35 AM  

When ur in love, and you want to spend your life with the person you have chosen, you do not really care of the consequences. Especially thinking that time heals all wounds o ilee ma yertha il yoom ra7 yertha bacher.

The thing is, some families just do not forgive. and if they agree eventually to your existance in their lives, they will let you know for EVER that ur beneath them (in their eyes) & not good enough for them, and not welcome. You can live with ur love for years but then it can get to you, the sheer humilation you encounter with them. Its about you, and only you. and if ur willing to live with that feeling, then go ahead do as you wish. Sometimes marrying someone u dont necessarily love but his family will respect you o put u on their heads is worth more than marrying the love of ur life and have his family torment you and remind u that ur unwelcome, and that would reflect on ur kids and love eventually. The guy will listen to u once, twice, thrice. But in the end he will get tired and gets fed up with the situation y3ni.

September 7, 2008 at 2:39 AM  

I know what you're trying to say here. But in your friend's situation, it's not really about if SHE is worth it, because she's definitely worth it. It's about if she's 100% sure he's the one, if he'll be there forever for her, and if she will have the heart to look her parents in the eye if, God forbit, something happens between the two of them. You know the family are the only people you can take for granted no matter what happens or what you do, they are always there. That's why they must be your #1 priority.

September 7, 2008 at 3:04 AM  

Its very difficult just to set the question as if its one sided. With family you really have no choice and can't do much about it, you have to survive all that with the person you have chosen. And in reality in Kuwait, I don't think it is worth the up hill battle. You can strike a balance but being selfish is just being selfish that is my opinion.

September 7, 2008 at 3:08 AM  

daddy's girl right.

argh that would be such a Nightmare for sure!

September 7, 2008 at 4:15 AM  

ana la 6al b3ainy

September 7, 2008 at 4:56 AM  

just go for the person you love. Your family will have to put up wit you anyway .....


(I just realised how immature that sounds .... apologies)

September 7, 2008 at 5:44 AM  

i understand u 100%

in our culture they taught us to be selfless and give without asking and if u think about us is WRONG

And what u said is the right thing 2 do.. we need to take care of ourself and filfull our needs :)

we live our life once :D

September 7, 2008 at 12:09 PM  

situation-ha meskeena sucks ass, a7is mako win win feeha, and i understand abt the saying nothing, fe marat saying something will only make u look stupid, or make it worse, god!

September 7, 2008 at 12:19 PM  

This needs a deeep deeeep deeeep t thinking !

September 7, 2008 at 12:29 PM  

Well ya but it depends, I think Everyone should see what he/she wants and try to think on his own as a mature person, because we are lacking people with the right decision in these days :P

They just act in think everything will come the easy way.

September 7, 2008 at 12:33 PM  

I don't really get your questiong (mind you i still haven't had coffee) .. BUT... I think the question is HE worth it is basically a selfish question... because with the AM I WORTH IT question.. I'd answer hell yeah Im worth it im the best thing that'll happen to him or anyone else (excuse the vanity)... but the question is HE worth it.. means Im asking MYSELF... should I waste my oh-so-precious TIME, EFFORT, EMOTIONS, etc on a this particular person.... the AM I WORTH it comes later .. maybe with... me wondering Am I not worth something better....?
I don't know if Im making a valid point... and my thoughts seem to have gone all over the place ...
but... the end :P

September 7, 2008 at 1:45 PM  

I get it, and I'm a supporter of that way of thinking:)

September 7, 2008 at 2:45 PM  

i think i agree with batoul, that is if i get what she said correctly :p
And i know for a fact that no guy is worth it if ur parents say otherwise.. They definitely know better, i give that advice to every friend of mine.. And 1 more thing, if he's ur fate: ur marrying him!

September 7, 2008 at 4:32 PM  

i think logic works best in such cases.
"
if the family is "good" .. then they should come first .. if they dont think hes right for her .. im sure there must be something wrong with him that she cant see.

i know many who gave up families for guys .. and came back crawling to their families .. the parents always forgive and forget .. .

September 7, 2008 at 6:13 PM  

I think I know what you mean but I don't wuite see how your argument fits this particular situation?

Are YOU worth what?

September 7, 2008 at 8:30 PM  

I wish more people thought like you...

I'm worth it :)

September 7, 2008 at 9:25 PM  

and finally somebody comes to raise this point. :)

September 8, 2008 at 10:22 AM  

i did it against the wish of my parents ... was it worth it ? every bit of it . Was i worth it ? YES ! always ... its my life . I make the rule and i pay the price too .

September 8, 2008 at 12:37 PM  

5oush point of view @@; never thought of it.
bs salfat el parents ely didnt approve, for me? i totally a2ayed No3iK:

"i think logic works best in such cases.

if the family is "good" .. then they should come first.."

September 8, 2008 at 4:13 PM  

Girls are always ready to fight for the love of their lives. Some would ask X: would he do the same for you?
If I were your friend X, I'd think first about his family, if they're fine with it, I would continue fighting just because I love him. But bear in mind that his family (if they knew that my family isn't approving and I'm doing this against my family's will) is going to look down on me one way or the other. THEY might say I'M not worth it. And THAT could make the situation really not worth it.

At the end, you want to live happily ever after. And you're not only marrying a man, you're going to be a member of his family, and he is going to be a member of yours. =)

September 9, 2008 at 2:49 AM  

lol @ fa6ma

I liked ur point. Actually he wouldn't. Well 90% of the time that is. He'd much rather avoid the headache if you ask me but that can gauge how much YOU'RE worth it in his eyes, then in return you know you're worth it afterall...

See? formula solved! I'm a genius.

September 9, 2008 at 4:04 AM  

Makes sense...

September 15, 2008 at 6:10 PM  

In this situation I don't think it's whether "am i worth it" or not..

In her case, no matter what someone gets hurt. No matter what, she'll end up being hurt.

If she goes with her parents wishes she and him will hurt. If she goes with him, she and her parents will hurt.

I'm stuck in the same situation she's in... and there's nothing pretty about it.

September 20, 2008 at 2:00 AM  

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