eshda3wa

October 9, 2007

Response To Rape


I chose not to reply to your individual comments and write a post instead. I think most people did not get, why I decided to share this story with you. I was not looking for sympathy or pity from anyone, because quite frankly they are not going to get us anywhere.
My post was not to justify what my friend has done or to exempt her from her share of the blame.

We live in a society where everything gets swept under the carpet. If we don't talk about it, If we don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't happen. Well I have news for you, it does happen, and it happens a whole lot.

People got too busy voicing their opinions, taking sides, pointing fingers, but NO ONE stopped for a minit to think on how to deal with the situation.
The bottom line is, a 27 year old man raped, or had sex, whichever way you want to look at it, with a 14 year old girl. The events that lead to that should be forgotten.
You have a broken child in front of you screaming for help but no one wants to listen, no one wants to deal with anything.
Why do we alienate people so much that they have no one to turn to, no where to go?
Why should a person whether u see them as a victim or not, have to fight a loosing battle by them self. No one especially a 14 year old kid deserves to be contemplating suicide on a daily bases. that is just WRONG.

No adult male should feel he is able to have sex with a child and be 100 percent sure he will not be held accountable! Why? because he knows our society would be too busy judging her than actually stopping him. Which is why he went on to rape two other girls of which I know of, and I keep wondering if that monster is still out there taking advantage of young girls.
I cant believe people were more concerned weather or not she lost her virginity than by the fact that she lost herself.
No, most of you were not sitting next to her in geometry class watching her tear at her own skin with a compass because she wanted to feel pain other than the pain of hating herself. You did not watch her wither away to only a shadow of her former self.

You were too busy thinking shes a horny sex crazed bitch that deserved what she got, she put herself in that situation let her deal with it, after all you reap what you sow.


So let me ask you this, when 1001 nights wrote a post asking us to Pray for Ahmed the drug addict who called a religious radio show and told them he abuses drugs, he tried going to rehab but failed, and all he wants is to be happy and normal.
Do you say no one held a gun to his head and told him to snort cocaine? or say if he was raised properly then he wouldn't have gotten himself in the situation? or would you forget all the events that led there and deal with the actual problem??

I wrote the previous posts to
1- bring awareness that those kinds of things actually happen

2- If one day you are approached by someone trying to tell you a horrid story, leave the judging to God almighty, and maybe offer a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or even a kind word!

Allah la yable a7ad inshallah
posted by eshda3wa at 4:30 AM

34 Comments:

i completely agree with you. ilmoshkila inah il nas bs yelimoon ilwa7ed eli yemor ib moshkila w kila 9a7 nafs ma geltay, "ma7ad 7a6 gun 3la their heads w galohom sawaw chethe" she was, like, 14? omg she's just a kid. min chethe ma7ad fee nas ma yet7achoon w mashakelhom itzed la2ena il nas bs ma laha ela, "ma7ad 6agha 3la eydha" kelina en'3ali6! ya3ni al7een il bent ibroo7ha ib moshkila azeed 3alaiha moshkilat-ha. may9eer! it's my first time ever in your blog. i added it to my blogroll because i admire your posts alot. i've read a couple of posts. i wish lw there are more people like you who write chethe posts w spread awareness.
some posts will probably benefit us
actually this post taught me alot.
w hal maskeena allah y3eenha w i'm sure allah ra7 yafrejha 3anha. bs abeech itgoleen laha inah allah ma ra7 ye'6aye3 7agha, w this e7mar (hal kilma i swear eshwaya 3alaih b3ad) will regret it one day. allah y7af'6ich w y7afi'6 il jmee3 inshallah.

October 9, 2007 at 4:55 AM  

Oh I love your post, espacially the lst part of it - No human being can judge another or condmen him - her... It's all up to God ...

I say awareness is the solution & being "forgiving" & open minded on how to solve such issues not go irrational & all "muslim" all of a sudden - as for the man, SOB needs to be in jail!

October 9, 2007 at 6:07 AM  

You'd definately deal with the problem and forget everything that led there. I am still shocked that he raped another 2 girls! I hope he rots in hell!!!!!

October 9, 2007 at 8:22 AM  

I totally agree with you :) Gr8 post...No one can judge the other..

October 9, 2007 at 9:45 AM  

i didnt wanna comment on this topic...even after reading some of the comments..

however...now I have too...because I see two sides that are equally right...

the first side says that it is the guys fault..whereas some are saying it is the gurls problem...

I wount play with fire..then cry when it burn me...its common sense ...we all know how guys think..and sex is the first thing on their mind..come along and give them a young gurl...all alone...on a golden platter...i dont think he would even think what to do...considering his age even...

Eshd3wa...we have loads and load and loads of stories..I can write posts and posts about gurls who are just stupid enough to go out alone with guys...and end up raped...or even shared between friends...

Did you check some of those websites such as hi5?? did you see how rude kuwaiti guys can be??..lel asaf we sit here...feeling sorry for the gurl...yet its still happening in Kuwait...and the main reason is...traditions...

Yes I said it..its all that stuff that makes kuwaiti guys think that way..they make them follow gurls to their door step...harassing every girl on the street...laish..3eshan mo shayfeen 5air....18 years spent in their life with guys guys guys...so they either turn gay or become rapists..

As for the girls...am sorry eshd3wa..but she aint the first or last girl...am A guy and I cant trust a girl for a while...you tell me she could trust a guy...considering his age even...yes allah ye3eenha...ow i hope this story helps other gurls at her age under stand what they are living in...

its about her being horny...shes was just in love....but what am saying is..using the brain cells we have from time to time..can get us somewhere...dont you think?

at the end..allah ye3eenha...ow enshalla she get out of her misery and forgets what happened and lives a lives a better life.....

October 9, 2007 at 10:23 AM  

I am glad I read the whole thing.

Thank you for bringing this up. Yes, I am surprised as you are that people do NOT know these things happen. Even naive people know these things happen.

I also agree that the Arab society is too quick to judge the girl. I have said on many other blogs before that it takes two people to have sex and the blame should be put on the guy as much as it is put on the girl.

What the guy did is sick and disgusting and it is our job as a society to deal with him and to educate both our young men and women about potential online and offline dangers when it comes to sex.

October 9, 2007 at 10:32 AM  

I for one will never judge someone, with out hearing them out
still i wont judge them....

Lil2asaaf he will never be held accountable unless maybe your friend should speak? maybe she shouldnt be afraid of being judged, we all make mistakes and she was a baby.

October 9, 2007 at 10:57 AM  

See this on a daily basis. Our societies are ones that like to judge, resent, and label, rather than consider and appreciate a situation for what it really is.

This year we had a Bahraini TV show in ramadhan, about a number of girls who sleep over at guys places, guys who smoke drugs, children who skip school to smoke or do whatever, and husbands and wives that cheat.

Newspaper articles; WHAT ARE THESE LOW TV SHOWS THAT REPRESENT OUR SOCIETY IN THE WORST MANNER? LIKE OUR SOCIETY IS FULL OF DRUGS, ADULTERERS, ETC ETC. THIS IS DESTORYING THE IMAGE OF OUR COUNTRY TO THE WORLD!

Ahem. 1. Its a frickin TV show, get over it 2. Instead of worrying about your goddamn image, take a look, know that there are issues, and learn to deal with them!

I feel your pain. I feel her pain. Beautiful topic.

October 9, 2007 at 12:08 PM  

I totally I agree with you, the problem is that all the problems are swept under the carpet and they aren't dealing with them. This person should have been helped by her family through this instead to grow up a tormented person.

Our society does make it extremely difficult and they point the blame at the victim instead of helping them.

FYI remember the case of children being raped and they found the Eyptian man who was doing it, they said he might plead insanity and get off from it. This is the type of thing that shouldn't be happening. He should be put to death period as an example.

There are lots of these problems and they aren't addressed. Things are going to go downhill very quickly if this continues.

October 9, 2007 at 1:27 PM  

its about her being horny...

sorry i meant "its not about her being horny"

October 9, 2007 at 1:33 PM  

We are living in such a judgemental world and its not even our right to place j`udgement on anyone- yet we make ourselves believe we can.

My heart goes out to that lil girl and I hope that one day she will be able to cope with what happened. As for the man- he shud rot in hell and be locked up for raping little girls. Sick bastard!!!!

This should be a warning for all the girls out there who think that they are in love with someone, especially that much older than you -- Becareful.......those guys could be wolves in sheeps clothing. A man who is in love with you- wud not disrespect you and take your honor...would not hurt you in any way and would go about trying to be with you in a respectable manner.

Rape is rape no matter what- just becuz she was with him doesnt mean she was wanting to have sex- maybe she was too young to understand an adult relationship and he was a complete a-- hole for taking advantage of that fact.

Posts like this need to be read so there is awareness of these kinds of things....the world doesnt get better ---it will just continue to get worse and we have to be ready for that and prepare others for what cud be ahead. Talking about these things cud prevent them from happening- knowledge is the key.

October 9, 2007 at 1:58 PM  

You know what the problem is? Some people can't distinguish between symathizing with a person and condoning their behavior. No it's not right for a girl to set up a romantic escapade with a guy but it's also not wrong to sympathize and lend a helping hand! Why does sympathizing mean you're saying OK to corrupt behavior? Just put the mind and the heart together and recognize something is wrong but have mercy on the person despite that.

October 9, 2007 at 2:33 PM  

no comment

October 9, 2007 at 2:44 PM  

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

October 9, 2007 at 3:14 PM  

Very brave, thoughtful, caring post, Eshda3wa. what is your goal, after bringing it into the light? What would make give this young woman a new chance for a good life?

October 9, 2007 at 4:34 PM  

"Which is why he went on to rape two other girls of which I know of"

now I wanna turn the tables around and ask you....

if you know that guy or managed to find more about him, what did YOU do about it?

October 9, 2007 at 5:06 PM  

perfectionist
welcome to my blog
u flatter me alot
im glad u like my post
and i hope fee more compassionate people like you

Chika
i wish he was! bs lilasaf hes not!
hes very much out doing only god knows what!
allah ya7feth eljamee3 inshallah

missy original
he'll get wat he deserves sooner or later! allah ra7 yakheth 7agha

amu
no one should!
glad u liked it!

Spikey
then i guess we have to find a way to break those traditions, by being aware of whats going on and by avoiding such cases. I know the stories out there are awful, but no one wants to admit thy are there and thats the problem!!

Kj
i think we will be long gone when arab societies finally find it in them to educate about sex. but i totally agree with u!

blue dress
this happened years ago, and sure speaking mite have been a solution, but its easier said than done.

ammaro
c people like you make me happy.
i wish fee more of you around it would definitly make the world a better place.

marzouq
WHAT!! hes gna get off 3ala an insanity plea!
NO NO NO
i read something about him being abused as a child and thats what lead him to doing it himself!
I hope is hung!
i will yabib the day he is!

nonowa
heeey! u havnt been around for a long while!!
uve been missed!
id like to think that it is going to get better, it has to, otherwise we would be savages!

1001nights
the problem is people think sympathy and pity whats needed. I dont have to sympathized, i dont have to pity or remotely agree with wats going on, but i will keep my negative opinions to myself and try to deal with the situation!

error
no response

amma15
he behavior is very " by the book"
consistent to rape victims. i dont know how this is gna sound, but it actually made dealing with her easier like we knw exactly wat wz coming

intlxpatr
i stated my goal, to bring awareness and maybe ave a few people think before judging and better deal with the situation.
i did not get the second question
but according to what i understood: she spent years in therapy, but only after she moved to the states, the process is long, slow, and painful, but i think shell get there some day. Although a big part of her still yearns to be loved by a man more than anything else. keep her in ur prayers :)

October 9, 2007 at 5:35 PM  

Hamza
considering i only heard about it a few weeks ago (which is why i wrote he post)
and all the rapes happened 5-8 years ago i didnt do anything to him
but i did stick by my friend thru it all, and i did stick up for her and love her inspite of a very crazy phase she went thru after the rape. I did encourage all 3 girls to report him, but none of them wanted to, and here i am trying to make more people aware to perhaps prevent it from happning again. I wish there is more for me to do!

October 9, 2007 at 5:45 PM  

a picture is worth a thousand words...and that pic up there represents all the girls who get raped in our society...and everywhere as well

as you said 7abibtie....RAPE happened...now deal with it people!!!!

there should be crises centers and councelling for such matters...especially for the famillies of the victims...they have to be taught what to do...and it could be done in secercy for the protection of the girl's reputation

the rapist "if reported" get dealt with...bas the victim is supposed to go home and pretend its all over!?!

allah y3een your friend...ow y3een kel wa7da marat fi methel hal ja7eem

she is a survivor...and she should let this issue take the best out of her :)

October 9, 2007 at 7:16 PM  

yep your right .. no one ever seems to think of a solution rather than judging them .. i never judge anyone .. i totally believe that everyone is allowed to do or think the way they want .. god is there to judge them so why would i take god's place and judge them .. just being their maight be a great help ..

good post girl !

October 9, 2007 at 11:49 PM  

Rape is a huge issue that is hurting many socities and women (and men) of all ages. Your friend is one of many young girls that are being raped. We don't know how many young children are being molested by their drivers and maids. A while ago I wrote a post about what me and my mother saw in Avenues. There were a bunch of children all around 4-5 year olds with the maids, and the driver was carrying a young girl and walking away from the rest of the group. My mom yelled at him and told him to take the girl back to the maid. We don't know what he was going to do with that little girl.

Just read the newspapers, everyday I open the english dailies, there has to be a mention of rape (and drugs). Those two issues are rampant in our country and NO ONE is trying to change that.

These people are SEX OFFENDERS its not "shahwa". There are so many "horney" people out there but you don't see them taking advantage of kids or snatching people off the streets. There has to be HARD rules in place for these people, and there should be NO was6a to get them out.

When a young boy is raped he is scarred for the rest of his life. When a women is raped (at any age) she is ruined mentally, especially at a young age.


There is so much I could say about this subject but I think 6awalt wayed.

October 10, 2007 at 12:59 AM  

So Ive read the posts and skimmed over the comments and mostly everyone commenting either pointing the finger or trying to make an excuse for what happened or simply trying to justify it.

Well any of you hear about Statitory Rape. She was a minor be it at her consent or not if sex occurred it is considered rape legally or however you wanna look at it. And even if that law was not there that was rape no matter how you look at it. Does it happen yes, will it continue to happen that's a yes too. Our society is soo uptight about concealing stuff.

In here everyones a victim to society. People need to realize that shit needs to change. Sure we have AA meetings, how about starting something similar for rape victims.

Even if the 3 girls go to the authorities nothing can be done now. There is no evidence after 5-8 years have passed. It's his word against theirs and we all know who's is gonna be biased towards.

Instead of blaming anyone blame yourself for being conditioned and allowing such atrocities to occur, don't blame the media or education for not providing enough sex education or how to prevent stuff from happening blame yourself, because your still sticking with the mentality that if such things occur if no one finds about it the better lets conceal it. well if that applies to you anyway if not good.

Now thats all said and done what are your next actions gonna be to try and prevent further victims? Are you gonna start a center that helps victims are you gonna start up a campaign to educate young people and know what they should do in case something similar happens or is about to happen. What we need right now is action. raising awareness without taking action will lead to a null result people would forget about it by next week. So are you ready to take action?

October 10, 2007 at 6:46 AM  

kalamech 3adl. You're doin the right thing, o may Allah help her and those like her, and put an end to such outrageous behavior!

October 10, 2007 at 9:44 AM  

nice post eshad3wa! oo 3ala goltech allah la yablena! oo ya7fe'9na man hal balawy!

October 10, 2007 at 3:34 PM  

You are right "If one day you are approached by someone trying to tell you a horrid story, leave the judging to God almighty, and maybe offer a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or even a kind word!"

Here in the Arab world are specifically in the khaligy society the blame is always on the girl. They don’t look for who took advantage of her but the take all of their rage on her. She is always guilty and it's always her fault. The man in always innocent period.

Unfortunately, topics like this are kept a secret. Not all will talk about this issue. We know that these things happen and that there is no one that will move to stop such behaviors.

Females are always looked at differently from men. The guilt always falls on her and not on him. It is hard to change how ppl think. But let us hope that our generation is going to be more understanding and will make a move.

I feel for her and I pray for her and insha2 Allah she will forget the pain kol shay byad Allah.

October 11, 2007 at 1:09 AM  

i hope everyone who's been thro a similar situation does reach the realization that it wasn't ever their fault.. or their parent's.
:** thanx for the post dear.

October 11, 2007 at 1:40 AM  

Dear Eshda3wa,

I think I represent the "other" side of the coin if I may....

but unliss you are willing to hear me out, the debate would be meanless.....!!!

the only thing I have to say for now is that I can't blame a wolf for eating the sheep, but if I catch him in the act, I would defenitly kill him.....!!!

thanks,

October 11, 2007 at 4:41 AM  

ghasheema
rape centers, I pray for the day this happens. oo allah ysma3 minich 7abebti

navy girl
i wish there were more ppl like u
glad u liked it

Chirp
next time say all u want girl!
im so happy ur mom actually said something! most people wont even bother!
and yes its a a HUGE deal! the thing is in a country like kuwait were its only about 2 people who actually have the power to make a change who do u turn to? How do u force harsh laws into place?we can only do so much!

TaT
Thank you!
I couldn't have said anything better myself!
What action are we going to take? well i think its going to be a while before we see any significant change regarding the matter. But as an individual i make sure that the people around me are educated on the subject, and that yes they do have someone to turn to. Its baby steps, but steps non the less

N.
allah ysma3 minik ya rab

rekoo
glad u liked it
oo ameen ya rab

gloomy
we can start with ourselves, make the change within us first, to be less judgmental, to be educated and to educate others on how to deal with such situations. and inshallah the rest of the society will catch on

vixen
i hope so too!

exzombie
your opinions and debates are welcome anytime, i would be more than happy to discuss any subject with you.
But i will not respond to mockery especially not on a very serious and extremely sensitive subject that directly affects me.
If there are any questions or points you would like me to clarify
id be more than happy to :)

October 11, 2007 at 8:31 AM  

What a realistic and hard hitting post!!
Unfortunately, waht you havce written is the truth in todau's society.. I guess the best way to tackle this problem is creating an awareness in the society.

October 11, 2007 at 1:25 PM  

baby cous
first of all Happy Eid to you and family
Second, this little girl committed to mistake at no level...
a victim of a monstrous man and a more monstrous society..
excellent post..thanks dear

October 12, 2007 at 2:18 AM  

kel 3am o enti bkheir :)

October 12, 2007 at 2:29 AM  

sene
and that begins with us!

white wings
have i mentioned to u how much i love it when u comment :****
happy eid to u tooo :**

chikaaaaaaaa
wintay eb khaiiiir babe :*

October 12, 2007 at 7:40 AM  

It’s easy to blame the victim for allowing such an incident to happen. Though, the real Crime Maker here is first her family for allowing her unsupervised free time, and second the society for allowing such animals (the guy) run loss. Yes, each one of us is to be blamed for allowing such a genocide (am not exaggerating coz the implications are horrendous) to happen without punishment.

October 14, 2007 at 1:46 PM  

I dont understand how people can fault her. Yes she made mistakes, but however extreme her mistake was , there was no way she deserved to be raped.She WAS A CHILD FOR GOD'S SAKE. Not an adult. The complete blame here lies on the man who WAS AND IS AN ADULT!!. I hope she and the other girl speak up, coz he deserves to rot in jail.

November 22, 2007 at 9:48 AM  

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