eshda3wa

January 5, 2009

Anguish II




We spent a year trying to figure out what was wrong with her.

Taking her from one doctor to the next.

Everyone gave me a different view, opinion, a lead to follow.

It always amounted to nothing.

It got so bad, so severe, she started showing signs of kidney failure.

The first time I heard it I did not know what it was.

Anorexia Nervosa.

My daughter was starving herself to death.

That same week we flew her to a rehab clinic in london that specializes in children who suffer from anorexia and depression.

I did not want anyone to know.

I felt ashamed.

My daughter was reduced to skin and bone.

All I wanted was for my daughter to get better.

To have a childhood devoid of battling demons.

Little did i know id be fighting a battle of a different kind.

I already felt responsible, and living in a small country like kuwait, news travels fast.

I was always bombarded with questions I could not answer.

Why did she get like that?

I dont know

Was she absued?

you think i abuse my daughter

How could you let it get this bad.

I did not let it! I did not intentionally let my daugher whither away.

Peoples ignorance about anorexia was getting to me.

I felt attacked from every direction.

I was getting depressed and angry, but I couldnt deal with my emotions, I had to be strong for my daughter.

I dont think im strong enough.

I dont know if I can go through this again.

I cant express my anguish because ill be judged. Branded a bad mother.

I already feel like one every time I look into my daughters eyes.

If I could take the desease and infect my mind with it I would.

If I could take my soul and breath it into my daughers body I would.

But I cant, theres nothing I can do except take her back to rehab.

The place that for a while helped her and gave her new ideas on how to hurt herself.

My hands are tied.

My heart is in constant pain.

I cant remember the last time I felt normal.

Not even happy, just normal.

*this is a true story as told by the girls mother*
posted by eshda3wa at 12:00 AM

34 Comments:

very sad :( alah yshfy elbnaya w yalhim omha el9abir..alah y3eenha

January 5, 2009 at 12:08 AM  

i'm anorexic

January 5, 2009 at 12:12 AM  

why would she hide her daughter's disease i personally don;t think it's 3aib or 7aram, u never know who can help, actually it;s better if news spread fast in this case, unless it's taboo for them i dunno...Allah yashfeeha i hope she gets very well soon

January 5, 2009 at 12:27 AM  

OMG!

this is soo bad =S

allah e3eenha wallah elsalfa takser el5a6er =\

January 5, 2009 at 12:49 AM  

fqayra

January 5, 2009 at 2:23 AM  

golaai ameeen:

3asa allah yashfee bintich inshalla oo erid-ha a7san min awwal..

i dont know if you read arabic but read this:
إن الله يبتلي المؤمن ليتقرب العبد منه

3asa allah inshalla efich theejtich, and you are not a bad mother.. in fact you're a good mother because you care for your daughter and thats all that matters.

kalam innas wayid oo maa ekhalis, so just do not listen to people,, detach yourself from negative people and their comments...

allah yashfii bintich inshalla, read il mo3awithaaat everyday 3alaiha and quran and stuff oo inshalla she'll get better inshalla..

the most important thing is not to lose hope and not to show any emtions in front of her...

im really sorry to hear that this happened to your daughter..

January 5, 2009 at 4:15 AM  

allah yekoon if 3onha.

January 5, 2009 at 4:48 AM  

I've had one anorexic girl as a patient, ukh its painful to look at them.

Keep it coming, the end justifies the means to this story and I want to know!

January 5, 2009 at 5:48 AM  

In the brain, there are hormones, that makes you happy, sad, angry, depressed.

and in females since they are more emotional, the amount of hormones been inject in the body slightly more than male.

however in this case, it seem her brain keeps giving her huge injection of depression, therefore the best solution isn't Rehab...

Anti-depression pills.

and 6abeeeb nafsy who knows his work and in field of depression, not someone who is making experiments.

p.s. i totally understand how mother feels, kalam el nas kela chethy

January 5, 2009 at 8:50 AM  

laish jara7t masha3rich? :( eshsawait??

January 5, 2009 at 9:10 AM  

la 7awla wala quwata ela billah..
Allah yeshfeeha o esa3dha ameen!!

January 5, 2009 at 12:34 PM  

Allah iy3eenha. Seeing a loved on self destruct is unfathomable to me. And eating disorders are extremely difficult to understand and empathize with. Allah yashfeeha wi8aweeha o'iy9aberhum. :'(

January 5, 2009 at 1:06 PM  

fourme
ameen ya rab

anon
i hope u sek help

hammoodee
u dont think its 3aib or 7aram
and its not
bs elnass ma ter7am

January 5, 2009 at 2:09 PM  

There is Nothing Haram about it.. its an Illness..

Allah ey3eenha

January 5, 2009 at 2:49 PM  

Allah yshfeeha Nshallah!!

January 5, 2009 at 3:14 PM  

That is awful! Allah y3eeenha nshallah o yshfeeha!

January 5, 2009 at 3:42 PM  

OMG!! thank god it isnt you or anybody in the family!! allah yeshafy elkel ameeeeen!!!!
you scared me for reeeeeeeal!!!!

January 5, 2009 at 4:43 PM  

sorry...

January 5, 2009 at 4:54 PM  

I think when she says and feels like that, it will make her stronger for her daughters sake :) I really believe that shes strong enough to help her daughter.

January 5, 2009 at 4:54 PM  

allah ekoon eb 3oan ahalha.. it's hard getting criticized by ppl for something that u can't control

January 5, 2009 at 5:08 PM  

omg some people are just soo closed minded ! .. there's no difference between anorexia or cancer or ulcers or even a bruise ..
bel3aks they should spread awarness about this .. because hal shaiy mb hayen .. btw haven't u noticed that we don't have rehab centers here in the GCC ? ya3nee it's weired ! ..
wala ana wayed ma8hoora cuz im just heart broken about this ! ... wallah 7aram ! .. bas allah ykoon fe 3oonha w 3oon umha inshalah ! ..

January 5, 2009 at 5:22 PM  

You caught her despair, her worry, her anguish, you caught it beautifully.

Children don't come with manuals. They keep secrets from their parents. And we blame ourselves, even if others don't blame us, we blame ourselves. There is nothing so heartbreaking as watching your children making self-destructive choices.

I had friends whose daughter had this problem. Even during the treatments, she was finding ways to sabotage them, to stay thin - and thinner.

Pure heartache.

January 5, 2009 at 6:49 PM  

Listen, rehab will cost nothing but more harm! believe me! you can never be recovered.
the only solution, enna tad3i rabha, nas teshafaw mn cancer mn wala shay bs mn aldo3a2.

January 5, 2009 at 9:55 PM  

dandoon
wayed

ummit3ib
et3awer el galb

TB
ameeen ya rab
thank u!

G
allah y3een eljmee3 inshallah

Batoul A
its an on going battle

Neoark
she was in one of the top clinics in the world
i wish it were that simple

January 5, 2009 at 10:07 PM  

She's 11! That's extremely sad, she's too young to be faced with problems like these. The poor mother, she shouldn't feel like a bad mother. :( Peer pressure can make you do many things that are bad for you. It's not her fault.

January 6, 2009 at 7:09 AM  

top-clinic, top-shimilik! money can't buy health.

Sometimes the answer is too simple, just sms her mother about the anti-depression pills, no harm will be done if she took one pill.

kl daa2 lah dawa2, and ra7mat allah was3ah.

January 6, 2009 at 8:39 AM  

OMG! anorexia is all over the world al7en!This is really bad...Alla yashfeha inshalla!!

January 6, 2009 at 12:18 PM  

nothing hurts more than seeing your loved ones suffer and this woman is no exception.

January 6, 2009 at 1:27 PM  

um manaf
im a dentist!

stand alone
ameen

G.E.B
its one of the hardest things a person goes thru
allah la yable a7ad

rashesha
allah y3een eljamee3

Chinese eye
ameeen

Anoosa
el7mdela 3ala kel 7aal

January 6, 2009 at 4:24 PM  

There are a lot of people who are affected by this illness, and it's sad to see how ignorant some of us really are about it.

I wish everyone affected by this the strength to deal with it and to conquer it eventually.

January 6, 2009 at 4:31 PM  

neoark
its ok :)

lili3
i hope so

JE
yeah.. wouldnt want to be in that position

LA
moo bas mako bel GCC
mako bel arab world kelah!

intlxpat
it is
and its so hard to understand!

Blah
as much as i believe in the power of do3aa2
u cant underestimate rehabs

Hottie
its not
but she still blames herself

Neoark
i wish it was as simple as u see it
it take more than a few pills

even sweeter
its a lot more present in the middle east nowadays

Tiger
allah ykoon bel3oon

January 6, 2009 at 4:36 PM  

F
allah ysma3 minich

January 6, 2009 at 8:24 PM  

alla eyshfeeha inshalla

January 6, 2009 at 10:11 PM  

ohh that was heart breaking!!;/

January 9, 2009 at 11:39 AM  

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