March 20, 2009
I Feel The Ground Move Under My Feet
There is only one specific moment in my life when i felt my whole world tumbling down.
when i felt everything i know and hold dear shatter to a million pieces .
I remember the date .. july 2nd.
I remember where i was sitting, what i was wearing.
I remember how slowly, very slowly, the room went blank.
and all i wanted to do was cover my ears with both my hands and scream.
Scream till i had no voice left. Scream till i fall over from utter exhaustion.
I never wanted to feel that way ever again. Ever.
But today, my world shifted again.
My head is pounding, and for the first time in 3 years im struggling to keep my anger at bay.
I want to bang my head against the wall and split it in half like a ripe watermelon just to stop the pounding.
I'm scared and confused.
When did this happen. How could i have ignored all the signs?
and i did ignore them. Until it hit me right in the gut.
The sound of fist to flesh woke me.
I could taste the blood in my mouth, although no one laid a hand on me.
In times like these i never underestimate the power of prayer.
اللهم لا أسألك رد القضاء ولكن أسألك اللطف فيه
i need your prayers. I need this to go away. I need it t be nothing more than my imagination. I need to fix it right now.
Please God. Please