eshda3wa

December 20, 2007

Dear Soul




You know when ur in a dream and something awful is happening and u want to just scream your lungs out but no sound comes out?
Thats exactly how i feel right now, except I'm not dreaming, im wide awake.
I feel like curling up in fetal position and just surround myself.
engulf myself in my own arms, and I want so badly to cry, but the tears wont come
I'm too proud to cry even when I'm all alone
Ive been waking up with bruises on my body, like i have been beating myself up in my dreams, something iv been struggling not to do while I'm awake.

So i write, I write to you hoping my words would ease the fist upon my throat, hoping someone would shoulder the burden with me.
Once something is broken, its broken forever. It can never be fixed.

So we keep on waiting, waiting for the world to change, but it never does and we take it as an excuse to stay the same!

I wanted so much not to be like you, i hated everything about you, and here I am hearing your tone in my voice, your words coming out of my mouth, ur logic filling my head.
I hate you, i wish u would just leave me alone!

But i think its familiarity that keeps us together, I'm addicted to you, to your pain and sadistic ways. Its not love, definitely not.

sincerely

your conscience
posted by eshda3wa at 5:20 PM

24 Comments:

love this post! You were missed today

December 20, 2007 at 10:47 PM  

chiiikaaaaaaa

i wanted to be there sooo baaad!

im so so jealous!

December 21, 2007 at 12:42 AM  

WooW, wait..yoba sheno hal7achy!!

December 21, 2007 at 12:49 AM  

Heey thought u would be there today.. yalla Good luck and enshallah next time... great post :)

December 21, 2007 at 12:55 AM  

Hmmm Vweey Emotional!
and confusing.

Just wash your face with cold water.

December 21, 2007 at 1:03 AM  

love your writing , love the post !

December 21, 2007 at 1:12 AM  

Time heals all wounds and inshalla it heals yours :)

You just have to keep moving forward and doing the best you know to stay on your feet. :)

December 21, 2007 at 1:23 AM  

I second Marzouq. Time is the best healer..

But inshallah u'll get thru this rough patch, dear.

December 21, 2007 at 2:18 AM  

“The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.”

December 21, 2007 at 3:39 AM  

Time time time

By the way crying is a healthy habit ^_^

December 21, 2007 at 10:10 AM  

Maybe, for one time, you need to let some of your pride go and let yourself cry. You can't imagine how happy you'd feel after it

December 21, 2007 at 1:36 PM  

dont let it hold you back, just cry and let it all out. you're still human after all... i know that dream feeling... scary... just let it out and things will get better...

December 21, 2007 at 7:27 PM  

shda3wa shda3waa !

December 21, 2007 at 7:50 PM  

"If you cry because the sun has gone our of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars"

But crying it all out helps a lot! Crying and icecream! Hope you feel better now =)

December 22, 2007 at 12:26 AM  

Sometimes you need a good cry- trust me.......

i hope u feel better soon hun *hugs*

December 22, 2007 at 1:30 AM  

err..ummm...eumm...ehh...."never dose" is sign that you need a dose of ICE CREAM. laugh to keep from crying...awww i know smart bright people are the ones who suffer, so just umm at least you feel and not just another dumb girl with a dead conscious..

December 22, 2007 at 4:08 AM  

My dear ;/ all of us pass by this feeling..

Crying is healthy! Eng.Petroleum

Have u ever heard of EFT? Try it, its amazing!
http://www.emofree.com

Alla yfr7ch w yfarj hamch..

December 22, 2007 at 7:14 AM  

Don't know you, or the reason behind that post, but I just wanted to say, it's a great post. Heart felt. Very touching.

...

December 22, 2007 at 9:33 AM  

I think whatever is going on inside you...defines the battle between good and evil!!!


you are a good person, keep hangin in there sweetie

and keep remember that Allah loves you and remember him...truly from the bottom of your heart...think about allah...mesmerise and as the Holy Quran says "bethekree allah ta6ma2en alqoloob"

I have been checking your blog along with some others...and inshallah when the time is right i will make my return :D

missed ya soo much :***

December 22, 2007 at 9:09 PM  

I truly loved this post. If conscience had a voice then this is precisely what it would utter. The cold bare truth.

I don't know you but I love you and I love your posts. I pray Allah grants you mountains of what your heart desires, keeps you safe and helps you achieve what you aim for.

Happy be-lated 3id :****

December 23, 2007 at 8:16 PM  

KM
eeeeh 7achy kbeeer!

yara
i wanted to be there bs im not kuwait :(
but i look foreward to meeting u whenever im bak!

blue dress
sometimes u need more than cold water
a lil slapping every now n then

new bride
thank u!

marzouq
time does not heal all wounds
but dont u worry im always on my feet!!

this lady
im not really in one, more of a hmmm consince insident!

reloaded soul
then i obviously have a huge capacity to love!!

eng petroleum
or so ive heard!
i do plenty of it... sometimes

kj
yeah iv been working on it

ammaro.com
inshallah :)

um mit3ib
wayd drama haa

disheveled
i definitly got the ice cream thing down!

nonowa
HUG

hammoodeee
my consince is obviously not dead since its set on torturing me!

December 24, 2007 at 12:10 AM  

maikait
thanks babe
i never heard of it but will check it out
merciii

lordraj
thank u very much

GHASHEEMAA
om 7amooooooooooooooooooood
ba3ad 3mri wallah!
i MISS u!!
how are u!
6amnene 3anich!
and u definitly got wats behind the post!
*hug!

sushi
i have a HUGE grin
wallah i love u too!
and ur the only one that noticed it was a letter from my conscience!
happy 3eed to u to
and may all ur prayers be answered :**

December 24, 2007 at 12:14 AM  

deep :)

December 24, 2007 at 10:19 AM  

I read the post ams. I wanted to comment bas I coulnd't.. I just wanna say inah it's so beautiful.

December 25, 2007 at 2:09 AM  

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