December 20, 2007
You know when ur in a dream and something awful is happening and u want to just scream your lungs out but no sound comes out?
Thats exactly how i feel right now, except I'm not dreaming, im wide awake.
I feel like curling up in fetal position and just surround myself.
engulf myself in my own arms, and I want so badly to cry, but the tears wont come
I'm too proud to cry even when I'm all alone
Ive been waking up with bruises on my body, like i have been beating myself up in my dreams, something iv been struggling not to do while I'm awake.
So i write, I write to you hoping my words would ease the fist upon my throat, hoping someone would shoulder the burden with me.
Once something is broken, its broken forever. It can never be fixed.
So we keep on waiting, waiting for the world to change, but it never does and we take it as an excuse to stay the same!
I wanted so much not to be like you, i hated everything about you, and here I am hearing your tone in my voice, your words coming out of my mouth, ur logic filling my head.
I hate you, i wish u would just leave me alone!
But i think its familiarity that keeps us together, I'm addicted to you, to your pain and sadistic ways. Its not love, definitely not.